We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
