Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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