Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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