My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
