Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
