I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
