I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize