i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
