What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
