Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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