just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize