she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
