I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
