how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
