Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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