I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
