I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
