you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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