He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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