hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm sobbing to NWA
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
