I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
