I puked a lego.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
