dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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