if i died would you start the facebook group?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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