So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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