He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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