Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
