dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
