theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
