you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This show inspires me to have sex in space
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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