have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
