Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
