He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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