Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
