don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
