Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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