lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
