So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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