Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
