i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
