My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
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well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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