And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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