Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
