So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
