What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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