Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
