I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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