Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
