my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
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I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
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drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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