So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
