After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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