Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
