shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
