Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
