So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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