i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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