Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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