Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
