We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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