is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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