I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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