a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
