all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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