i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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