Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
