currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
