I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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