TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i will never coherently bang her
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize