no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
