Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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